On Love.

The other night I came home to my new housemate sleeping on my bed, wagging her tail, waiting for me to pull the covers over myself. September is always a time for new beginnings. I thumb my rose quartz on the train to work this morning and think of all the new starts this year. I don’t know if it’s just me, but sometimes when I get out of bed in the morning I think, “Hey, who is the stranger in the mirror? How the heck did I get to be this old? Where are my underwear?” In all seriousness, where am I going?

I say these questions out loud to myself when nobody is around, maybe because I enjoy talking to myself, OR maybe because it reminds me to keep moving, pushing, and changing.

Reading on the train to work has become ritual. I have perfected the art of reading a book two inches from my face, crammed up against the door, or nestled inside somebody’s armpit. This summer I stumbled into All About Love by bell hooks, who builds off of M. Scott Peck’s definition of love. He defines love as,

“The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”

I grew up knowing love as mystery, magic, folklore. In college as I tried to talk about love – how to engage in loving relationships and how to nurture love in my life – I think I had it all wrong. Maybe, I will say that again about myself in another 5-10 years OR maybe I will be impressed with the effort I am putting in now to understand that which has been misunderstood for so long.

For now I am building off this definition that Peck & hooks have given me.

That love is a verb. Love is an action.

This afternoon I am asking myself, “What have I done today that shows love to others?”

-Refried Black Beans, Sweet Potato & Nutritional Yeast Quesadilla-

ingredients.

refried black beans
– one can black beans, drained & rinsed
– 2 cloves of garlic
– 1/4 cup onion
– handful of cilantro
– 1 lime, juiced
– 2 tbs olive oil
– water
– salt
– hot sauce

sweet potatoes
– 2 large sweet potatoes, peeled & diced
– 1/2 cup rolled oats
– 1 tbs nutritional yeast
– 1 tbs flax seed

kale
– 4-6 stems of kale
– 1 tbs olive oil
– pinch of salt

process.
In a pan, heat olive oil & add onion and garlic. Cook for 2-3 minutes, or until the onion is translucent. Add beans and cover with water. Cook until water is mostly absorbed and add cilantro, lime, a pinch of salt, and your choice of hot sauce if you would like them to be spicy. Mash beans until mostly smooth. Set aside.

In a separate pan, heat olive oil. Add kale & salt. Cover until kale is cooked down and lightly toasted. Set aside.

In a large pot bring water to boil. Once water is boiling place sweet potatoes and cook until tender, about 10-15 minutes. Drain & place in large bowl. Use a fork to mash the potatoes until smooth. Add rolled oats, nutritional yeast, and flax seed, set aside.

In a tortilla, spread sweet potatoes, refried black beans, and top with kale. Add pico de gallo, flax seeds, avocados, lettuce, or any other of your favorite vegetables. Top with nutritional yeast and cook in a pan until brown on both sides.

Recipe for guacamole & vegan sour cream coming soon…

Beating Heart.

Running shoes.

Shorts.

Socks.

Keys.

Running is one of the only things that has ever made sense to me. I cannot believe how alive & still my body feels while pawing at dirt trail and sweating up the spine of mountains. I did not know it at the time, but I grew up in one of the most beautiful areas of the country. High up in the mountains with valleys, peaks, and vistas that people flock to for vacation.

Running is metaphor. Once you exist between two seemingly unrelated objects – like a forest that is so beautiful, but is brimming with people who call your body sick – you learn how to wrap yourself into the tightest ball. At eighteen, I flew 3,000 miles across the country for college – not because I was in love with Boston, but because I was afraid of what I would become in a forest filled with people who were metabolizing queers into dirt.

I run to feel alive. To feel the quiet in my head that is early morning ocean – before any human dares to break its waves. I am still running, but I am remembering now that my family taught me how to root. To sink my hands & feet into soil until I know this body is made stronger by the efforts to unmake it.

On my run today – I told myself that this body is strength. That queer bodies are beautiful in every way. For lunch, I gobble up mangos, plantains, beets, avocados, almonds. They are filling me with nourishment.

I am writing affirmations in my notebook:

Queer people are beautiful.
Queer people are beautiful.
We are beautiful.

– Mango & Avocado Salad –

ingredients.
-1 mango, peeled & diced
-1 avocado, diced
-1 plantain, diced
-1 beet, peeled & diced
-1/2 cup almonds, chopped
– 1 tbs chia seeds
– 1 tbs golden flax seeds
– 1 lemon, juiced
– 1 inch ginger, finely chopped
– 1/4 cup coconut raw flakes 
– 1 cup cilantro

process.
In a large bowl, gently mix together mango, avocado, plantain, and beets. Be sure to mix lately, so as not to smash the avocado or the plantain. Mix in chia seeds, golden flax, lemon, ginger, coconut flakes, and cilantro. Refrigerate (if you would like it cold) and enjoy!

Kale Smoothies. Breakfast Quinoa. Vegan Month of Food.

Saturday rolls around and my body is ready for the slow & lazy weekend of time spent catching up with loved ones, but for us city dwellers who are bound by September 1st leases – Labor Day is all about movement.

It has been a year & a summer since I graduated from college and I am in disbelief that I am moving to a new home. This year, my life is process. It is about finding space & openness in tight moments. As I am packing up my books, kitchen utensils, and bedding, I am caught thinking about all the unforgettable memories shared in this house – from early morning tea on the porch with visitors to small dinner potlucks with close friends to late night vegan parties with music, laughter, and love.

This September, I am filled with gratitude for all the beautiful people who have been in my life this year – cheering me on, holding me up during the moments I am most vulnerable. As I drive away from my old house for the last time I am thinking about a conversation with a loved one, where we talked about the meaning of home. Home, for us travelers & wanderers, being something that we make from our bodies – from thin air – from smoke, and late night dancing, and early morning solitude.

Today, I am thinking about how experimentation and spontaneity are essential life forces. The unexpected, being what humbles and grounds me in the present. This morning, the 4:00 am alarm is calling my tired limbs from bed. I drive my partner to the airport, but he ends up taking my keys with him to Texas and all I can do is laugh.

It is 5:00 am and I am waiting for my roommates to wake-up so that I can get into the house. I am sitting on the deck and scrolling through my phone for the 10 best ways to break into your own home. At some point, I give in to the messiness of this morning – the unexpected – and as I sit I can feel the situation opening up. My mind slowly easing its grip on the situation and my frustration until I am able to see it is another event in the week – an opportunity for growth & learning.

I would have (of course) preferred not to have been locked out, but the situation is. In my head, there are so many to-do-lists that they are starting to look like a notepad, a novel, an ancient tome.

I am slowly walking back from attachment, from my fixation on what I think should be. This month, is Vegan Month of Food & I can feel the slow growing anxiety about trying to make 20 recipes, but when I take a step back. Slow down. Breath. Be present in this morning. Be present in the slow rise of the sun & water peeling way from grass.

I can feel my body waking up with the earth – with the here & now.

– Sweet Kale Smoothie –

 

ingredients.
– 1 yellow plantain, chopped
– 1 guava, peeled & seeded
– two handfuls of kale
– 1 tsp chlorella
– 2 tsp chia seeds
– 1 tsp maca powder
– 2 tbs golden flax seeds
– 1/4 cup almonds
– 1/4 cup sunflower seeds
– 1/4 cup almond milk
– 24 oz water

process.
In a blender, place yellow plantain, guava, two handfuls of kale. Add chia seeds, maca powder, flax seeds, almonds, sunflower seeds, almond milk, and water. Blend until smooth. Enjoy!

– Almond & Strawberry Breakfast Quinoa –

ingredients.
– 1 cup quinoa
– 2 cups almond milk
– 2 tbs brown sugar
– 2 tsp cinnamon 
– 1/4 cup chopped almonds, pistachios, and/or cashews
– sprinkle of flax seeds
– handful of fresh fruit (I used strawberries)

process.
In a small pot, place quinoa and almond milk. Bring to boil. Reduce to simmer & cover for 15-20 minutes. Once the almond milk is mostly cooked into the quinoa, mix in the brown sugar and cinnamon. Cook for 15-20 more minutes until almond milk is completely cooked into quinoa. 

Remove from heat and serve with fresh fruit and flax seeds. Add vegan butter, coconut, or more almond milk (if you like)!